Barbie for President

I see that Joe Biden is considering throwing his hat in the ring in 2016, and that Hillary’s fans are setting up a SuperPac on her behalf. I hate to disillusion the fans in either camp, but I think their time has passed. The Democrats are not going to follow Mr. Hip with old people.  Mr. Biden especially–no amount of Grecian Formula can hide the fact that he’s a white guy. The Progressives have soooo moved on from that.

Hillary, now, she may have a shot. A little nip here, a bit of a tuck there, maybe a streak or two to frame her face—after all, the Dems aren’t going to replace the coolest Prez we’ve ever had with a dowdy hausfrau. And that’s another thing—she has got to lose those pantsuits. Has her posse never heard of a sheath dress? I hear they make them in pink, if she absolutely insists.

But she has definitely got to get that bod in shape. A season on Dancing With the Stars ought to do it, plus it’ll keep her name out there (you know how fickle fans—voters can be). I can so see her striding on stage in her Manolo Blahniks, after the final liposuction and the tummy trim, waving those arms newly buffed thanks to those Denise Austin workouts, giving her acceptance speech.

Maybe Germany is satisfied with Angela Merkel, who’s more interested in austerity than Pucci, but we know better. We know that the clothes make the man—what was that old saying about the emperor? I can’t recall, never mind.

Anyway, Ms. Clinton may have let her hair down as SecState, but we need a bit more glamour in the W.H. Speaking of hair, she must lose that mane—I’m thinking a cut more like Holland Taylor in Two and a Half Men. So edgy. After all, isn’t that the name of the game? What was that about the deficit? I couldn’t hear you over the blow dryer—got to get this last flip in place, just so. There. Perfect.

And Hillary’s got to dump that Bill guy once and for all—he’s looking old and frail, and we certainly don’t need to project that kind of image. And that whole Stand By Your Man thing—we do not need that kind of a redneck connection. Maybe she could hook up with Ashton Kutcher—I hear he’s available. Plus that Twitter following!

And if she’s not willing to take one for the team, to go under the knife for the sake of her fans—er, the voters, well, I wonder what Beyonce is up to. Now that we know for sure she can sing the National Anthem, she’s certainly ready to show the other leaders of the world what’s she got. Hmmmm. Maybe a sheath dress with cutouts.

1 Comment

Filed under Politics

One response to “Barbie for President

  1. Excellent analysis … and an enjoyable to read too.

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